THE HEROES’ FAREWELL!

There’s a plague in Australia of massive proportions,
That government’s play down with their usual distortions
Of figures, and factors, and locales and such,
That show, just as always, they’re way out of touch.

This plague that’s so ghastly, to which I’m referring,
Concerns slimy creatures who keep on occurring
In thousands-no millions-in swamps and in streams,
To haunt all our nightmares, invade all our dreams.

They’re greenish and brownish; they croak and they ‘nee-deep They fornicate wildly, even when they’re asleep. They’re killing our wildlife, polluting our rivers, They spit poison at you, they give you the shivers. No - it’s not politicians I’m outlining here, Though their habits too are disgusting, that’s clear. I’m talking of cane toads, amphibious horrors That will ruin our night-times, our days, and our tomorrows.

But, lo and behold, from the famous South-West Comes a sextet of heroes, the bravest and best. Courageous, undaunted; eyes steely, jaws rugged, And as for those cane toads, their chances are buggered!

Won’t even have Buckley’s, those poor slimy blighters,
Against superhuman, six well-seasoned fighters.
For they have a plan, it’s a brilliant manoeuvouvre.
They’ll creep out at sunrise with camouflage cover

To stalk toads, to hunt them, to plague them, to catch them;
And crate every cane toad, then each day despatch them
To Canberra . A House Special Sitting will duly accord them
A ten-hour toad lecture and they’ll all die – OF BOREDOM!!!

Then our busters will come back, a glorious bunch,
To interviews, medals, a Lord Mayor’s lunch.
When future plagues threaten? Well, no need to fear those –
Just call on our sextets of ex-army heroes.

Jo Robertson.